Sebastian Hatches a Plan
by monkeybait
Summary: Another Kuroshitsuji/Dr. Seuss poem crossover, this time with 'Horton Hatches the Egg'.


**This poem is based off of the events in the Black Butler anime, though I realize that they are not totally accurate to the original work.**

**For best results, I would say to listen to someone read Horton Hatches the Egg on youtube, just so you can see the comparisons between the two poems, but I doubt I can convince most of you to be that obliging. If you at least read these bolded paragraphs, however, include three slashes somewhere in your review. Thank you, and enjoy.**

* * *

Sebastian Hatches a Plan

Sighed Sebastian, a passionate soul connoisseur,

"Another unripe spirit devoured, and so I concur:

I am tired of eating souls that don't taste ever

So lovely; I think I deserve something better.

To find a dark, tortured soul, now that would make the grade,

But it could take a while, more than several decades.

If I could choose someone whose soul was that fine,

I'd even be their servant, if it could be mine.

If I could find someone who fit that description-"

...-...-...-...-...-...-...

Then who should appear to fill that prescription

But Ciel Phantomhive, a young orphaned lad

Who was trapped in a cage and was feeling quite sad.

"Well how about this!" Sebastian cheered with a grin,

"His soul shall be mine if I can just win

Him over to my side. But how to make him see

That he would better off if he gave his existence to me?"

It turned out it wouldn't take too much to sway

The boy, for he called out, "I am willing to pay

My soul, if that is all that you need."

...-...-...-...-...-...-...

Sebastian responded, "That will do indeed.

I can practically already taste its rich flavor…

Now what shall I do as my first act in your favor?"

Ciel coughed, "No one ever pays any mind to us

Orphaned children or the men that aren't very kind to us.

Now go kill our captors, and I won't be enthralled

If I don't soon see heads flying like juggling balls."

Sebastian smirked, glad that he would no longer be bored,

And responded rather obediently, "Yes, my lord.

I will always be faithful, and I mean what I say."

...-...-...-...-...-...-...

And so the massacre began without a delay.

The evil cult members were attacked before they could run.

Sebastian thought as he killed them, "This must hurt a ton!"

For lack of better words when I speak of this dead,

The room was quite soon dyed a terrible red.

Severed limbs lay around a bit like confetti,

You couldn't call his completion of his first order 'petty'.

Ciel was pleased and demanded, "Now take me away,

Back to my mansion and my fiancé."

So Sebastian carried him off into the night

...-...-...-...-...-...-...

But there was no mansion left, no, not one in sight.

A new one was fast built so that you couldn't tell

It had ever been missing. And what else was well

They hired a gardener, a cook, and a maid,

And the old butler Tanaka, because for some reason he'd stayed.

The new three were practically societal slobs,

But that's because killing were their original jobs.

In two years, Sebastian had things looking rightfully formal

And life at the mansion had gone back to normal,

Despite the fact that its master was not yet thirteen.

...-...-...-...-...-...-...

Plus the Phantomhive family secretly worked for the Queen.

It was a dangerous job that put one's life on the rail,

But now Ciel had Sebastian; there was no way he could fail.

They traveled far and wide to complete any task

England's Queen desired done; she just had to ask.

Roles as butler and master were only their cover

As their real job was finding bad people to uncover.

There was the toy company that Ciel owned along with

That made lots of profit and kept him so rich.

It seemed that now nothing could ever go badly...

...-...-...-...-...-...-...

But that is quite incorrect, I must tell you so sadly.

One morning when Sebastian brought up breakfast bacon

He went to Ciel's room to find out he'd been taken

By a bad man whose mission was to collect drugs

Using dangerous weapons and a band of tough thugs.

A note said, "If you want Ciel to live, I suggest

You bring the drugs that we know you possess."

Sebastian pondered, "I'm not quite sure just what they meant,

But I know I am faithful, one hundred percent."

And so he left the manor with a silverware knife

...-...-...-...-...-...-...

Unfortunately Ciel was just clinging to life

A lot like he had been back in his childhood.

And the man laughed, "No one will save you! Nobody could!"

As if to object to which was said so profoundly,

Sebastian jumped through the window and beat the man soundly.

At the pain he received, the man had to wail.

It was a gruesome end; I'll spare the details.

Sebastian returned to his master, bruised dark as a plum,

And smirked, "What an interesting morning this has become."

And then he realized that Ciel had been killed...

...-...-...-...-...-...-...

At first he was mad, but then he was thrilled.

"Why now I can eat him – what fun this will be!

I'll take him to that bench that's surrounded by trees.

Though it's a shame that he wasn't a little bit stronger

His soul would taste better if he'd lived a bit longer."

So he took him to some place mere mortals can't go

And put Ciel on a bench that was watched by a crow.

Sebastian muttered, "I did enjoy all of the time that we spent,

But a demon is truthful, one hundred percent.

And so I will eat your soul now without hesitation."

...-...-...-...-...-...-...

So he removed it and began mastication.

After a moment of eating, Sebastian said with a frown,

"No, this isn't quite ready – not nearly worn down

Enough that it's tasty; so now there's a reason

To give this show yet another season.

Twenty-four episodes is too long, half that will do it.

I just want it to taste a might better when I chew it."

So Sebastian picked Ciel up and walked into the black

Of the surrounding forest, for they were heading back,

That underfed demon and his still-breathing prey.

...-...-...-...-...-...-...

And it should be, it should be, it should be that way

For if there are more episodes, then there will be more antics

And there will be new things to inspire more fanfics.

After all, it wasn't so ineffectual

To cast a copycat demon and a young homosexual,

But it's too late to introduce them to this poem

For Ciel is alive; Sebastian took him back home.

He meant what he said and he said what he meant:

"A demon is faithful, one hundred percent."

* * *

**Sorry for writing this now… I know I'm supposed to be in the middle of another story. Oop.**


End file.
